Picture a little girl with brown hair in a pink flowered dress who is physically smaller than her classmates. It’s the first day of school at Calistoga Elementary School in Calistoga, California.
Memories of my early years are not as clear as they might have been but some images stand out. I remember that dress and I think it very likely that I wore it on my first day to school, because it was one of my favorite things.
Going into a new situation, it makes perfect sense to me that I would want to wear something special, a talisman for fortune and success.
If I had any happy feelings of excited anticipation, those feelings were quickly destroyed. I don’t know what mistakes I made or what social cues I missed. All I know when I rely upon my memories is that before the first day of school had ended, I had been rejected by all of my peers and made into a school-wide outcast. Since then I’ve learned that this is a fairly common experience for people with Asperger Syndrome.
People with Asperger Syndrome may be smart or even brilliant but we are disadvantaged socially. We have a difficult time reading the expressions on people’s faces and interpreting social cues. Small talk frequently eludes us.
I am pretty sure that I had problems with interpreting social cues and feel disconcerted to this day when having to take in cues from too many people all at once. It’s an awful lot of information to juggle.
I know that I would talk on occasion about something that interested me but I don’t remember it as conversation. Instead I would drone on about whatever it was that I cared about. I also think that other kids encouraged me to talk because it gave them something to laugh at — this little girl who couldn’t tell that no one cared what she had to say. Eventually I became wary of starting one of my monologues because of my suspicions about my classmates’ motives in inviting me to speak.
I made an early discovery that I think might account for the fact that I usually look people in the eyes unless I am under stress or have to think hard about something. People with Asperger Syndrome frequently will not look you in the eye but it has been my experience that you gain important information that way.
Monday, April 21, 2008
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4 comments:
In 2007, I learned that I have Asperger Syndrome, which is an autism-spectrum condition. I am writing this book to explain how this news affected me and how I am using this knowledge to hopefully make the world a better place for other people like me.
You will typically hear of Asperger Syndrome and other autism-spectrum mileposts referred to as “disorders,” but I resist using these terms because I disagree with the premise that there is something out-of-order with me. I know that I face certain challenges but I am also blessed with certain gifts that I think are equally attributable to my having AS.
I therefore think of autism or AS not as a “disease,” but as an “operating system.” It is my neurological software.
I was born May 15, 1968 and for the first 39 years of life, I was unaware that there was a name for my collection of gifts and challenges. Indeed, the concept of autism has undergone such a wide expansion during the course of my life that I find myself among our society’s last “invisible generation” of people who are finding out that they fit with the AS milepost.
This book is dedicated to them.
Your first chapter very clearly informs the reader of the importance of understanding this syndrome and will, I am sure, lead us into further chapters that will provide resources where both the person who has this syndrome as well as family and friends will be much more knowledgeable about what they can do to provide a better support system than currently seems to be available.
I look forward to reading more of what you have written and will write.
Are you aware that it's best to not give away a whole Chapter on a Blog if you haven't published your Book yet... I'm told that Publishers can be very fussy about that. Plus you'll want the reader to buy your book, not get it all for free from this or any other Blog.
GG
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